The subject line comes as a recent friend wondered why they keep seeing so many memorial notices on my timeline lately. They thought maybe Facebook was repeat posting. I'm almost used to the fact that most of the people that know me today never knew my son when he was alive. That also means they really only know a small part of me as well of course. The more recent losses came very close together in a kind of mind numbing yet heart crushing barrage. My father and my nephew were terminally ill at the same time. I went to see my dad for his birthday, they both took a turn for the worse. My young nephew died on Wednesday and I left my father to attend the funeral - as he made me promise I would. My father died the day after the funeral. My dear uncle died 6 months later followed by my brother less than 3 months after that. So to round out this month we have my son's birthday, Mother's day, My father's birthday,the anniversary of my nephew's death, the anniversary of my father's death as well as a few other birthdays. This year I got to add my own chemotherapy to the mix.
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Losing people you love does not get easier with practice.
Son, father, brother, uncles, nephew, friends, aunt, cousins, father in law - I've had a lot of practice, so I'm pretty confident of this fact.
Each loss is unique in many ways, yet similar in others, and some seem to severe something vital from your soul. And that's about the only wisdom I've gained from all of it (and the decades of working with dying children that came before my own streak of loss). No great revelation or comfort to be found. It's the price we pay for loving someone.
Now you should go back and look at the kitten posts. : ) But before you do, this is my dad, who died of primary liver cancer four years ago. He was a coal miner, an animal lover, and a terrific guy.
Miss Polly has settled in to await the birth of her kittens. I thought it might be Monday night or Tuesday but she settled down and is now displaying the "any day now" type of behaviour.
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For those who were not in the loop, Miss Polly is likely from a litter of kittens we found in the barn this summer before a mamma cat moved them. She wandered out of the big barn around mid-February and we sheltered and fed her through the horrid winter. She will deliver then be fixed and the kittens will be adopted out in the fall after they are socialized and old enough etc. That's the plan anyway.
A post about life here is coming, including such high points as chemo, identity theft, baby alpacas, legal wranglings and shearing day. : ) In the mean time check out the cute kitty:
Brought the female very pregnant barn cat in tonight. I think she may be in early labour. You'd think being a human midwife and birthing dozens of alpacas would leave me prepared for this. You'd be wrong. Her resp rate is 112 and she looks like this, then she perks up and cuddles and demands affection.
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Going to be an interesting night I think.
There is snow on the ground. The seasons have changed while I was busy dealing with chaos. The important stuff:
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Irish's dad (JBD) continues to rally in a very welcome (but medically unexplainable)reprieve from a very acute leukemia. He's doing pretty well and enjoying his time at home. They will start a trial medication next week - since he is doing so well they are re-thinking the original palliative plan since he has outlasted his original prognosis considerably.
Mays, Irish and I continue to get by,and hopefully in the not too distant future we will be making some changes to our location. I'm pretty sure the situation and housing situation is contributing to our various ailments.
The divine Miss M is doing very well at school this year although her condo-mates give her grief.
Rocky my longtime cat companion is in a pattern of fading and looking like he will leave us, then rallying. It's not easy, but he's not in any pain and he seems to be enjoying his good days so much. Playing catch the mouse and chasing with the other cats and blanket monster with us.
I've been quiet because I'm being sued by a former friend and alpaca group member, both as a group member and personally. We had settlement hearings last week. They owe over 9 thousand dollars to us for board/vet fees for 6 animals we co-own that board here. I put a lien on the animals. They are suing me for damages. Also suing the group because they were removed after finding financial shenanigans. One looks like it will settle (they will pay a large portion of what they owe then we will divide up the co-owned animals)the other - who knows.
It's taken an unreasonable amount of time, energy and resources and it's not over yet. So I've been keeping a low profile and keeping things as secure as possible.
On the plus side Grimm is back, Arrow is back and The Black List is great. The farmer's market and show season have kept me very busy and my hand dyed suri lace yarn is the talk of the town. : ) I hae a new line of silk scarves, and even an alpaca boucle blend yarn. One more open house, a four day show in Guelph and a show in Stratford this week will finish the season.
I hope the autumn is treating you kindly.